The date on the calendar has been staring me down for weeks, circled in red ink with a little heart next to it: The Big 2-0.
Twenty years. My husband, David, and I have been married for twenty years.
That’s 7,300 days of morning coffee, stolen kisses, slammed doors, tearful apologies, belly laughs, and the quiet, steady rhythm of a shared life.
And as this milestone approached, a familiar panic started to creep in.
What on earth do I get him?
A quick search told me the “traditional 20th anniversary gift” is china.
China. I looked at the man who just spent his Saturday perfecting his brisket recipe on a smoker he built himself, the man who can still make me blush with a single look across a crowded room, and I thought, a teacup just isn’t going to cut it.
It feels so… formal. So disconnected from the beautifully messy, complicated, grace-filled life we’ve actually lived.
After two decades, the goal isn’t just to buy another thing.
The goal is to give a gift that says, “I see the man you are right now, and I love him even more than the boy I married.”
So, let’s pour a glass of wine and talk about what this anniversary is really about.
It’s about celebrating the man you’ve built a history with and choosing to build a future, too.
Here are some ideas, straight from my heart (and my own frantic brainstorming sessions).
Gifts That Say, “I Still See YOU”
Remember when we were dating, how we’d hang on every word?
We knew their favorite band, their weirdest food combination, their biggest dream.
Twenty years and a couple of kids later, it’s easy to see our husbands as “Dad” or “Provider” and forget the individual man with passions that are all his own.
This is your chance to show him you’re still paying attention.
David has recently become obsessed with craft coffee.
He roasts his own beans, has a dozen different brewing gadgets, and talks about “flavor profiles.”
For a long time, I just smiled and nodded.
But as I thought about our anniversary, I realized his hobby is a part of who he is now.
A gift that says “I see you” could be:
- An Upgrade to His Passion: Whatever he’s into fly-fishing, grilling, woodworking, vinyl records invest in a high-quality piece of gear he’d never buy for himself. It tells him his joy is your joy. These are the kinds of “personalized anniversary gifts” that truly resonate.
- A MasterClass Subscription: Is there something he’s always wanted to learn? Cooking from a world-class chef? Writing from a bestselling author? This gift respects his intellect and his curiosity.
- First-Edition of His Favorite Book: A gift that honors the history of who he is and the stories that shaped him.
Gifts That Say, “I Still Choose US”
David and I have been to the brink and back.
There were years when our marriage felt more like a business arrangement than a love affair.
We fought, we grew distant, and by the grace of God, we found our way back to each other.
Because of that, I know that one of the most powerful things you can give your marriage is a new memory.
These are the “experience gifts for couples” that invest in your future, not just your present.
- The “Remember When” Trip: Go back to a place that was meaningful to your story where you had your first date, where you got engaged, or your honeymoon spot. Recapture some of that early magic, but with the wisdom and depth of 20 years.
- The “Someday” Trip: What’s the place you’ve always said you’d go “someday”? A cabin in the mountains? A tour of bourbon distilleries? A beach with no cell service? Someday is now. Book the tickets.
- Learn Something New, Together: Sign up for a class salsa dancing, pottery, gourmet cooking. The act of being beginners together is humbling, hilarious, and incredibly bonding. It forces you to rely on each other in a new way.
Honoring Tradition (With a Modern Twist)
Okay, so maybe you want to give a nod to the theme.
While the traditional gift is china, the “modern 20th anniversary gift” is platinum strong, rare, and enduring.
I love that symbolism.
- For the China Theme: Forget the fussy dinner plates. How about two beautiful, artisan-made coffee mugs that you can use every single morning? It’s a way of saying, “I want to start every day with you.” Or, book a reservation at an incredible restaurant and make a toast over their china to the beautiful life you’ve built.
- For the Platinum Theme: This is where you can find some truly “unique anniversary gifts”. Think of a classic watch with a heartfelt engraving on the back, a sleek pair of platinum cufflinks, or a beautifully framed photo from your wedding day in a stunning platinum-colored frame.
A Prayer for the Next Chapter
More than any physical gift, the thing that has sustained our marriage is our faith.
It’s the third strand in the cord, the one that holds strong when the other two are fraying.
In the moments I didn’t have the strength to love David well, I could lean on a God who loved us both perfectly.
If you’re in this season, maybe this prayer can be a gift to your own heart:
Lord, thank you for the incredible gift of these 20 years. Thank you for the joy and for the growth that came through the trials. As we step into the next chapter, protect our hearts. Keep our love for each other strong, our passion alive, and our eyes fixed on You. Knit us together so tightly that we can face anything the world throws at us. Give us another 20 years, even better than the first. Amen.
It’s Not About Perfection, It’s About Presence
Ultimately, the perfect “20th wedding anniversary gifts for him” aren’t about the price tag or the “wow” factor. They’re about presence.
It’s about giving a gift that shows you’re present in his life now, that you honor the past you’ve shared, and that you are joyfully, intentionally present for the future you’re creating together.
Twenty years is a testament. It’s a story of forgiveness, endurance, and stubborn, beautiful love. Celebrate it well. You’ve both earned it.