I remember the night I was almost certain my marriage was over.
David and I were in the thick of our crisis years. The air in our home was heavy with unspoken words and sharp with resentment.
We had a fight I can’t even remember what it was about now, only that it felt like the final nail in a coffin we’d been building for months.
I fled to the guest room, slammed the door, and slid to the floor, my face hot with tears.
I prayed a desperate, ugly prayer. “God, I can’t do this anymore. Just show me what to do. Is this it? Is it over?”
The silence that followed felt vast and empty.
I expected a lightning bolt, a voice from the heavens, something, anything. Instead, after about twenty minutes, I heard a soft knock.
It was David. He didn’t say a word. He just opened the door, set a steaming mug of my favorite sleepy-time tea on the nightstand, and quietly left, closing the door behind him.
In that simple, silent gesture, I felt my answer. It wasn’t a lightning bolt; it was a cup of tea.
It was a small act of service in the middle of a warzone.
It was a whisper from God, not through a booming voice, but through the hands of a man who, despite our mess, still knew how to care for me.
If you’re wrestling with that giant, heart-wrenching question of whether he’s “the one,” I get it. We all want a neon sign from heaven.
But after walking through the fire and back with David, I’ve learned that God’s signs are usually quieter, more practical, and far more profound than we expect.
They aren’t just about feelings; they’re about foundation. So let’s pour a cup of something warm and talk about the real “signs God wants you to marry him”.
Beyond the Butterflies: God’s Voice is Quieter Than Hollywood’s
First things first: let’s throw out the Hollywood script. The heart-pounding, can’t-eat, can’t-sleep infatuation is fun, but it’s not a reliable sign of a lifelong partnership.
In my single years, I had that feeling for men who were all wrong for me.
That intoxicating rush can be a sign of chemistry, but it can also be a sign of anxiety or unresolved issues.
God’s confirmation often comes not in a whirlwind, but in a deep, settled peace.
It’s the kind of quiet knowing that calms your soul rather than just thrilling your senses.
The 5 Prayerful & Practical Signs I’ve Learned to Trust
When I look back at my own journey from disastrous dating to the near-collapse and beautiful rebuilding of my marriage these are the signs that have proven true time and time again.
1. He Brings You Peace, Not Panic
This is the big one. How does your nervous system feel when you’re with him?
And more importantly, when you’re not? A godly partnership should be a safe harbor.
Of course, there will be disagreements and tough times, but the overall feeling in your spirit should be one of peace.
If your relationship is a constant cycle of high-drama breakups and passionate makeups, or if you’re constantly analyzing his every word and action, that’s not passion it’s chaos.
That kind of turmoil is often one of the first “signs God wants you to leave”, not hold on tighter. A man God has for you will quiet your storms more than he creates them.
2. He Points You Toward God, Not Away From Him
When you’re with this person, does your own faith deepen?
Does he encourage your spiritual life, even if his looks different from yours?
Or do you find yourself compromising your values, skipping church, or quieting that inner voice of conviction to make things work?
A partner God has chosen for you will never be a barrier between you and your Creator.
He will be a fellow traveler on the journey. He’ll respect your faith, share in it, or at the very least, give you the space and support you need to pursue it fully.
3. His Character is Solid Rock, Not Shifting Sand
Believe me, I dated my share of charming men whose character was a house of cards.
They were fun for a season, but you can’t build a life on that. When the storms come and they will charm melts away. You need character.
Look at how he acts when no one is watching. Is he kind to the waitress? Is he honest in his work?
Does he keep his word? Does he speak to you with respect, even when he’s angry?
I’ve learned that a pattern of disrespect is a huge red flag, and I know from experience that some of the “worst things a husband can say” come from a place of deep character flaws, not just a bad day.
Trust is the foundation. After navigating the devastating fallout of near-divorce and what I now understand as “emotional infidelity”, I know that without trust rooted in solid character, you have nothing.
4. You Can Be Your Whole, Messy Self
Are you constantly performing? Sucking in your stomach, hiding your nerdy hobbies, or pretending to be less opinionated than you are?
The right person makes you feel like you can finally exhale.
He should be a safe space for your whole self the ambitious, the silly, the scared, and the spiritual. I truly believe God designed us for passion and connection!
You should be with someone you can be fully yourself with the woman who prays for his heart and also feels giddy sending him one of those “texts that will drive him wild”.
Faith and fun are not enemies; if you have to hide parts of yourself to keep him, he’s not the one God has for you.
5. Wise Counsel Confirms It
God rarely speaks to us in a vacuum. He gave us community for a reason.
What do the wise, trusted, God-fearing people in your life think?
I’m not talking about your one perpetually single, cynical friend. I mean your pastor, your mentor, your parents, or a married couple you admire.
If all the wisest people in your life are gently raising red flags, you need to listen.
It’s a form of loving protection. When David and I were in counseling, the confirmation from our therapist and our pastor that our marriage was worth fighting for was a critical lifeline.
Tuning Your Heart to Hear His Voice
Ultimately, discerning God’s will is a matter of the heart. You can’t just follow a checklist; you have to cultivate a relationship with the One who wrote your love story.
A Prayer for Clarity
When the confusion feels overwhelming, I find it helps to pray something simple and sincere. Find a quiet spot, take a deep breath, and maybe offer up a prayer like this one:
Lord, you know my heart. You know my deep desire for a loving partner. Please quiet all the other voices my fears, my desires, society’s expectations so that I can hear only Yours. Give me wisdom to see this man clearly, as You see him. Make Your path for me so plain that I can’t mistake it. If he is from You, give me peace. If he is not, give me the strength to walk away. Amen.
A Final Thought: Build on the Rock
Choosing a life partner is like choosing the ground on which you’ll build your home.
A relationship built on the sand of fleeting feelings, physical attraction, and surface-level fun will be washed away by the first major life storm.
But a relationship built on the solid rock of shared faith, deep respect, unwavering character, and a profound sense of peace that is a foundation that can withstand anything.
That is the kind of love God wants for you.
It’s not about finding a perfect man, but about finding an imperfect man you can build a life with on the only perfect foundation there is.
sDon’t settle for the sand. Wait for the rock. He is worth waiting for.