I still remember the feeling so vividly it can make my palms sweat.
His name was Mark, and I was 22 years old, head-over-heels, and absolutely convinced he was the man God had created for me.
It felt like all the signs were there. We’d “randomly” bump into each other.
He’d call just as I was thinking of him. We loved the same obscure band.
In my heart, I had woven these coincidences into a beautiful tapestry of divine confirmation.
This was it. This had to be God’s plan.
Then, six months in, he told me he wasn’t ready for “anything serious” and ended it over a lukewarm cup of coffee.
I was shattered. Not just because of the heartbreak, but because of the spiritual confusion.
I had been so sure. Had I heard God wrong? Was He even listening?
My entire faith felt shaky, all because a relationship I had anointed as “God’s will” had crumbled.
If you’re reading this, I bet you know that frantic feeling of trying to decipher the signs.
You’re lying in bed, replaying every conversation, every text, asking, “God, is this him? Is this the one you want for me?”
I want to sit down with you, right here in the middle of all that uncertainty, and tell you what I’ve learned after 22 years of marriage to my wonderful, imperfect husband, David.
Discerning God’s will in a partner is less about a lightning bolt from the heavens and more about a quiet, steady peace in your soul.
It’s less about a checklist of coincidences and more about the presence of solid, Christ-like character.
So let’s talk about what those real signs look like.
The Foundation: Is the Ground Under You Solid?
Before you can build a life with someone, you have to check the foundation.
When I was dating Mark, I was so focused on the fireworks that I ignored the cracks in the ground beneath us.
With David, the feeling wasn’t a constant explosion; it was a slow, steady sense of coming home.
God is a God of order, not chaos.
A relationship He is blessing will have a foundation of peace and respect, not constant drama and anxiety.
He Points You Toward Your Best Self
A man God has for you will never pull you away from your faith, your values, or your calling.
He will champion them. He will see the woman God created you to be and encourage you to step more fully into that identity.
He’ll celebrate your wins, challenge you to grow, and sit with you in your failures without judgment.
Does he make you feel more like yourself, or are you constantly editing your personality to please him?
You Fight Well
This is a big one. I laugh when people think David and I have a perfect marriage.
Honey, we almost ended it. We have been through counseling, we’ve had the screaming matches, and we’ve had the cold, silent wars.
But the sign that God was in it, even in the darkest moments, was that we were both always willing to come back to the table and fight for the relationship, not just in it.
A godly partnership isn’t an absence of conflict; it’s the presence of humility.
Can you both apologize? Can you listen to understand, not just to respond?
A man who cannot or will not do this is not ready to lead a home with you.
There’s a Deep, Abiding Peace (Even When You’re Scared)
With Mark, my heart was always in a state of anxious fluttering.
It was exciting, but it wasn’t peace. It was the insecurity of not knowing where I stood.
With David, even in the early days when commitment felt big and scary, there was a profound sense of rightness underneath it all.
Pay attention to the quiet moments. When you’re just sitting in the car or cooking dinner, what is the underlying emotional temperature of your relationship?
Is it calm and safe, or is it churning with anxiety? That “peace that passes all understanding” (Philippians 4:7) is one of God’s clearest signposts.
The Confirmation: Tuning Your Ear to His Voice
Once you feel the foundation is solid, you can start listening for those quieter confirmations.
This isn’t about looking for your initials in the clouds; it’s about aligning your heart with God’s.
Confirmation from Wise Counsel
When David and I were getting serious, I was terrified.
But my wisest, most grounded, faith-filled friends all saw the same thing.
They saw his character. They saw how he treated me. They saw the health of our dynamic.
They weren’t just cheerleaders; they were honest mirrors.
God often speaks through the people He has placed in your life.
If your trusted community is raising red flags, you need to listen.
It Doesn’t Contradict His Word
This sounds basic, but we can easily forget it in the haze of romance.
Does his character reflect the fruit of the Spirit love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control? (Galatians 5:22-23).
Is he a man of integrity? Does he treat others with respect?
God will never bring you a partner whose character is in direct opposition to His Word.
It Survives the Test of Prayer
Instead of praying, “God, make him the one,” try shifting your prayer to, “God, align my heart with Your will.
If this man is not from you, please remove him. Give me clarity and the strength to accept your answer.”
Praying this way takes courage because it means opening yourself up to an answer you might not want.
But it’s a prayer God will always honor.
A Prayer for a Searching Heart
When the confusion feels overwhelming, I find it helps to have words to hold onto.
You can borrow mine. I have it written in the front of my journal:
Lord, You know the desires of my heart better than I do. I lay this relationship before You. Remove the fog of my own emotions and let me see this man clearly. If he is from You, deepen our connection and cultivate in us a love that honors You. If he is not, give me the grace and strength to let go. More than a husband, I want Your will for my life. Let Your peace be my guide. Amen.
This Is a Journey, Not a Destination
I want to leave you with this. Finding the person God wants you to marry isn’t about passing a cosmic test or finding a magical “soulmate” who completes you.
It’s about finding a good, faithful travel companion for the road ahead.
The sign isn’t that the road will be easy, but that you’ve got the right person to navigate the bumps, fix the flat tires, and praise God for the beautiful scenery with you.
Be patient with yourself and with Him.
The God who wrote your story knows exactly what the next chapter holds. Trust the Author.