I can still picture the restaurant. It had checkered tablecloths, those drippy wax-covered wine bottles on every table, and the best garlic bread in town.
I was 22, sitting across from a man who, on paper, was everything I thought I wanted. He was handsome, ambitious, and everyone I knew adored him.
But as he talked about our future our five-year plan, our move to a new city a cold, quiet dread was creeping up my spine.
It wasn’t just butterflies. It was a deep, unshakeable feeling that something was fundamentally wrong.
I remember smiling and nodding, while inside I was screaming.
My heart was saying “No,” but my head was arguing back, “Don’t be stupid, Charlie! He’s a great guy. You’re just scared.”
That night, I went home and I prayed. Not a polite, folded-hands prayer, but one of those messy, desperate, on-the-floor prayers.
“God,” I whispered into my carpet, “Am I crazy? Is this You? Or am I about to ruin the best thing that ever happened to me?”
If you’re reading this, I bet you know that feeling.
That gut-wrenching tug-of-war between what makes sense on the surface and the persistent, nagging whisper in your soul that says, this isn’t it. It’s one of the most confusing and painful places to be.
So let’s pour a cup of something comforting and talk this through, sister to sister.
Discerning God’s voice in the noise of our own desires and fears is tricky, but after navigating that situation myself (spoiler: I ended it, and a few years later, I met my David), and after walking through seasons of deep disconnection and reconciliation in my own marriage, I’ve learned that God does give us signs.
We just have to be brave enough to see them for what they are. These are some of the signs God wants you to leave a relationship.
First, Let’s Be Clear: God Isn’t a Killjoy
Before we even get into the signs, let’s get one thing straight. God’s desire for you is not misery, anxiety, or a life where you feel like a watered-down version of yourself.
He delights in you! His plans are to give you “a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).
Sometimes we cling to a relationship out of a fear that we won’t find another one, or that God wants us to “suffer through” it as some kind of test.
While every relationship requires sacrifice and work, it should not require the sacrifice of your peace, your identity, or your safety. A relationship that honors God should ultimately lead to more life, not less.
Okay, deep breath. Now, let’s look at some of the more specific ways He might be nudging you toward the exit.
Unpacking the Signs: Is God Speaking?
1. You Have a Persistent, Unshakable Lack of Peace
This is the big one. It’s what I felt at that Italian restaurant. There’s a difference between normal relationship anxiety (“Does he really like me?”) and a deep, soul-level unrest that doesn’t go away.
The Bible says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts” (Colossians 3:15). If, instead of peace, you feel a constant sense of dread, turmoil, or a “check” in your spirit when you think about your future together, pay attention. That is powerful spiritual guidance.
2. You’re Diminishing, Not Growing
A godly relationship should be like good soil it should help you grow into a more vibrant, confident, and Christ-like version of yourself.
If you find that you’re becoming smaller, quieter, or less you to keep the peace, that is a major red flag. Are you hiding your opinions? Have you stopped pursuing a hobby you love because he thinks it’s silly?
Are you losing your sparkle? A partner who truly loves you will celebrate your strengths and encourage your growth, not prune you down to fit their own comfort level.
This is one of the most overlooked relationship red flags.
3. Your Core Values Are in Conflict
This is what the Bible means when it talks about being unequally yoked.
And it goes so much deeper than just sharing the same faith. It’s about the core of who you are. Do you both agree on what honesty means? On how to handle money? On the importance of kindness and generosity?
On what a family should look like? If you are constantly at odds over fundamental issues of character and integrity, you will spend your entire life trying to pull a plow in opposite directions.
It’s exhausting and unsustainable.
4. Wise, Godly Counsel Confirms Your Doubts
When you share your concerns with trusted, faith-filled friends, mentors, or family members the ones who genuinely want God’s best for you what do they say?
If multiple, discerning people in your life are lovingly expressing the same concerns, it’s worth taking seriously. This isn’t about letting your friends run your love life.
It’s about recognizing that God often speaks to us through our community. He doesn’t want us to navigate these big decisions in isolation.
5. The Relationship Consistently Pulls You Away From God
This one is simple, but critical. Does being with this person make it easier or harder to follow Jesus?
Do you find yourself skipping church, hesitating to pray, or compromising spiritual convictions to make them more comfortable?
A God-ordained partner will draw you closer to the Lord, not create a subtle, or not-so-subtle, distance.
6. You See a Pattern of Deceit, Disrespect, or Control
My husband David and I almost didn’t make it. We went through a season of deep hurt and emotional distance that we had to fight our way out of with counseling and a whole lot of prayer.
We know what crisis looks like. But there is a huge difference between a crisis that can be worked through and a chronic pattern of behavior.
If your relationship is characterized by ongoing dishonesty, contempt, manipulation, or any form of abuse (emotional, verbal, physical), this is not a test of your patience.
It’s a clear and urgent sign to leave. A toxic relationship does not glorify God.
7. Doors Keep Slamming Shut
Sometimes, divine intervention looks a lot like life just not working out.
You try to move in together and the lease falls through.
One of you gets a dream job offer in another state a place the other can’t or won’t move to. Every plan you make together is met with a bizarre series of obstacles.
While not every obstacle is a “no” from God, a consistent pattern of closed doors can be His way of protecting you and redirecting your path.
So, What Now? Your First Steps Toward Clarity
If several of these signs are hitting home, I know how overwhelming that can feel.
Here is your permission to slow down and simply breathe. You don’t have to have it all figured out tonight.
- Pray for Courage, Not a Conclusion: Instead of praying, “God, fix him,” or “God, make this work,” try praying, “God, give me the courage to see the truth and the strength to act on it, whatever it is.”
- Create Some Space: It is nearly impossible to hear God’s whisper when you’re in the middle of a hurricane. Can you take a few days or a week of space? No calls, no texts. A fast from the relationship to clear your head and heart and truly listen.
- Write It Down: Get out a journal and answer the questions above honestly. Seeing it in black and white can cut through a lot of emotional fog.
A Prayer for a Heart in Turmoil
When my own heart is tangled in knots, this is the kind of prayer I whisper. Maybe it can help you, too.
Lord, You see my heart. You see my confusion and my fear. I am so scared of making the wrong choice of letting go if I should hold on, or of holding on if You are calling me to let go. Please quiet the noise. Turn down the volume on my fears and the opinions of others, and turn up the volume of Your voice. Grant me Your supernatural peace that surpasses all understanding. Give me clarity, Lord. And more than anything, give me the courage to be obedient to You. I trust you with my future. Amen.
A Final Thought: The Trapeze
I want to leave you with this image: a trapeze artist.
To get from one platform to the next, she has to swing out, build momentum, and at the peak of her arc, she has to do something terrifying: she has to let go of the bar she is holding.
For a breathtaking moment, she is flying through the air, holding onto nothing but the faith that the other bar will be there to meet her.
Letting go of a relationship that you know isn’t right feels just like that.
It is a terrifying, mid-air moment.
It requires releasing what is familiar, even if it’s painful, and trusting that God has another bar swinging your way.
Trusting that He will not let you fall.
You are brave enough to let go. And He is faithful enough to catch you.