It was a Tuesday, I think. David and I were in the kitchen, a whirlwind of chaotic energy as we tried to get dinner ready.
We were talking about something completely ordinary Sam’s car insurance, I think and I turned from the stove to grab the salt.
When I looked up, David was just watching me.
It wasn’t his usual, “Hi, honey” glance. This was different.
His eyes weren’t just on my face; they did a slow, quiet scan from my hair down to my waist and back up again, and his expression softened.
A little smile played on the corner of his lips. He didn’t say a word.
He didn’t have to. In that silent, three-second moment, standing by the counter in my old jeans and a messy bun, I felt… seen. Desired.
It was a powerful reminder that after 22 years of marriage, two kids, and a whole lot of life, the spark is not just a memory. It’s a quiet, steady flame.
I’m sharing this because I know how confusing the signals can be, whether you’ve been married for decades or you’re just getting to know someone new.
We, as women, often ask ourselves: Is he just being nice, or is there something more here?�
Understanding the signs of sexual attraction isn’t about feeding our egos; it’s about understanding the language of connection.
And let’s be clear, as women of faith, this topic can feel… off-limits.
But it shouldn’t. God designed physical attraction.
It’s a beautiful, powerful part of how He wired us for intimacy within marriage.
So, let’s pour a cup of coffee and talk honestly about the signs a man is thinking about you in that way, and how to handle it with both wisdom and grace.
Reading the Unspoken Language: The Signs to Look For
Men aren’t always as verbal as we are, but their bodies rarely lie.
When a man is sexually attracted to you, his body language will often give him away long before he says a word.
1. The Lingering Look
This isn’t just eye contact; it’s an event.
It’s when you catch him looking at you, and instead of quickly looking away, his gaze stays for a second or two longer than is purely polite.
You might also notice his eyes drop to your lips while you’re talking or do a quick, appreciative scan of your body.
It’s not a disrespectful stare, but a quiet “I like what I see” that feels warm and magnetic.
2. He Closes the Distance
Watch his physical proximity. Does he find reasons to stand or sit closer to you than necessary?
Maybe in a group, he naturally gravitates toward your side.
This isn’t about being pushy; it’s a subconscious pull.
His body wants to be near yours. Leaning in when you talk is another classic sign that he’s not just interested in your words, but in your entire presence.
3. The “Accidental” Touch
This is a big one. He might lightly touch your arm when he’s laughing at your joke, gently guide you by the small of your back in a crowd, or let his hand brush against yours when you reach for something.
These small, seemingly insignificant touches are his way of testing the waters and building a physical connection.
4. His Voice Changes
Have you ever noticed his voice seems to get a little deeper or softer when he talks to you?
This is a subconscious response to attraction.
Men often lower their vocal pitch when speaking to a woman they find attractive, a subtle sign that he’s trying to create a more intimate and calming atmosphere between you.
5. He Gets a Little Nervous
It sounds counterintuitive, but nervousness can be a strong sign of attraction.
He might fidget, blush, or seem a bit flustered around you.
Why? Because he cares what you think, and his body is reacting to that pressure and excitement.
That nervous energy is often the electricity of a spark just starting to ignite.
6. He Gives You “Loaded” Compliments
Any man can say, “You look nice.” But when a man is truly attracted to you, the compliments feel different.
They are more specific and often have an energy behind them.
He won’t just say your dress is nice; he’ll say, “That color looks incredible on you.”
He’s not just complimenting your clothes; he’s complimenting you in them. He’s noticing you on a deeper, more physical level.
- The Lingering Look: His eyes stay on you for a beat too long.
- Closing the Gap: He subconsciously moves closer to you.
- The Softer Tone: His voice deepens when he speaks to you.
Now What? Discerning Desire with a Godly Heart
Okay, so you’ve recognized the signs.
Your stomach is doing a little flip-flop.
Now comes the most important part: what do you do with this information?
This is where we have to be women of wisdom. Attraction is a signal, not a command.
It’s the engine, but you with God’s guidance are behind the wheel.
For the Single Woman
Feeling desired is a wonderful, God-given feeling!
But it’s crucial to look beyond the spark.
Ask yourself the hard questions: Is this man’s character as attractive as his gaze?
Does he love and honor God? Does he treat others with respect?
Sexual chemistry is a wonderful part of a relationship, but it can’t be the foundation.
True, lasting love is built on shared faith and mutual respect. Don’t let a spark blind you to red flags.
For the Married Woman
If these signs are coming from your husband, lean into them!
Don’t dismiss that lingering look or that gentle touch. Receive it as the gift it is.
In the busyness of life, it’s easy to let the physical connection fade into the background.
When you see these signs, see it as an invitation from your husband to reconnect, to nurture the romance that is so vital to a healthy marriage.
It’s God’s blessing for you both to continue desiring one another.
A Prayer for a Discerning Heart
When I feel the pull of attraction whether it’s the familiar, comforting pull toward my husband or the confusing signals from someone new back in my single days I know my own wisdom isn’t enough.
My heart needs a compass.
This is the prayer I’ve learned to lean on:
Lord, thank You for the gift of attraction and desire. Guard my heart from vanity and guide me with Your wisdom. Help me to see this man not just through my eyes, but through Yours. If this spark is from You, fan it into a flame that honors You. If it is a distraction, give me the grace to let it go. Let all my relationships be rooted in truth, respect, and Your perfect love. Amen.
A Final Thought: The Spark and the Fire
Think of sexual attraction like a single, beautiful spark from a fire.
That spark is captivating, full of energy and potential. It can catch your attention from across a room.
But a spark alone can’t keep you warm.
A lasting, life-giving relationship is the whole fire.
It’s built with the sturdy logs of shared faith, kindness, commitment, and respect.
The spark is what might help get it started, but the substance is what keeps it burning through the long nights and changing seasons.
So, enjoy the spark. Acknowledge it. But always, always seek the warmth and stability of the whole fire.