I remember the silence.
It wasn’t an angry silence. It was worse.
It was a hollow, empty silence that had settled over our living room like a thick layer of dust.
David was on one end of the couch, scrolling through his phone, the blue light illuminating a face I knew better than my own but felt a million miles away from.
I was on the other end, phone in hand, pretending to be engrossed in an article, while every nerve in my body screamed, Is this it? Is this all we are now?
We were roommates. Excellent co-managers of a household, loving parents to our grown kids, but the spark? The connection that had once felt like an unbreakable current between us? It was barely a flicker.
That night, after we’d said a perfunctory “goodnight” and retreated to our separate sides of the bed, I lay awake and felt a familiar panic creeping in the same panic I’d felt years ago when our marriage was on the very brink of collapse.
I knew we couldn’t go back there.
If you’re reading this, maybe you know that silence, too.
It’s the quiet that happens when the kids are gone, the careers are settled, and the comfortable routine has slowly, stealthily, strangled the romance.
You love your husband, but you don’t always feel in love.
I want to pour us both a glass of that nice Cabernet we save for special occasions and share the one thing that David and I started doing that truly saved us.
It’s more than just a “date night.” It’s a monthly reset. A conscious, intentional, non-negotiable appointment with our marriage.
Why a “Monthly Reset” is More Than Just a Date
Before we get into the “what,” let’s talk about the “why.”
A typical date night can sometimes feel like one more thing on the to-do list.
You find a babysitter (if needed), make a reservation, talk about the kids or work, and come home tired.
It’s nice, but it doesn’t always go deep enough to fix the disconnection.
A monthly reset is different.
It’s a dedicated time even if it’s just one evening a month at home where the single goal is to reconnect on a deeper level.
It’s about tending to the garden of your marriage, pulling the weeds of resentment and routine before they take over.
Okay, ready to get intentional? Here are a few of the resets that have worked wonders for us.
So, what are some practical “” to get you started?
5 Monthly Resets to Reconnect With Your Spouse
These aren’t complicated or expensive.
The most important ingredient is your commitment to being fully present with each other.
1. The “Dream & Scheme” Session
This is my absolute favorite. We turn off the TV, put away the phones, and open a bottle of wine.
Then, we ask each other big questions. “If money were no object, where would we travel in the next five years?”
“What’s one thing you want to accomplish, just for you, this year?”
“What does our dream retirement look like?” We talk, we listen, and we write it down.
It reminds us that we’re not just managing the present; we are actively building a future together.
It’s about intentionally building a life you both love.
This is one of the best “” things for couples to do to reconnect.
2. Recreate a First
Nostalgia is a powerful glue. Once a month, try to recreate one of your “firsts.”
It could be cooking the meal you had on your first date, driving to the spot where you had your first kiss, or looking through old photo albums from when you were first married.
It’s a powerful reminder of why you chose each other in the first place, and it’s one of those “” that can bring back a flood of happy memories and feelings.
It helps you see the vibrant, hopeful young person you fell in love with, who is still right there across the table.
3. Learn Something New, Together
There’s something incredibly bonding about being beginners together.
Sign up for a one-off class: a cooking workshop, a dance lesson, even a pottery class.
The goal isn’t to become an expert; it’s to laugh, maybe be a little clumsy, and work as a team.
Seeing your partner in a new environment, concentrating and learning, can be surprisingly attractive.
It breaks you out of your familiar roles and creates a brand-new shared experience.
4. The “Spice It Up” Experiment
Let’s be real, friends. Intimacy is often the first thing to go when life gets busy.
This reset is about putting it back on the front burner. This doesn’t have to be intimidating.
It can be as simple as agreeing that on this one night, you’ll go to bed early with the sole intention of unhurried, focused intimacy.
No phones, no TV, no pressure. Maybe you light candles, give each other massages, or read a spicy chapter of a book out loud.
This is your permission slip to explore “” and intimacy beyond the everyday routine.
5. The “State of the Union” Walk
This sounds more formal than it is. It’s simply taking a long walk, side-by-side, and checking in.
No accusations, just gentle questions. “How are we doing, really?”
“Is there anything I’ve done this month that hurt you?” “What’s one way I can love you better next month?”
Walking while you talk can make these vulnerable conversations feel less intense than a face-to-face interrogation.
It’s about creating a safe space to clear the air and heal small hurts before they become big ones.
The Anchor in the Reset
For David and me, the most crucial part of this monthly ritual is grounding it in our faith.
Before we begin our “reset,” whether it’s a dream session or a walk, we take a moment to pray together.
It’s often a simple prayer, but it changes everything.
It shifts the focus from our own efforts to God’s grace. It invites Him into the center of our marriage.
I have this one written on a card that I keep in our nightstand drawer:
Lord, thank You for the gift of this marriage. Tonight, clear away the distractions and the distance between us.
Help us to see each other with fresh eyes and love each other with patient hearts.
Soften our words, open our ears, and remind us of the covenant we made before You.
Knit us together again. Amen.
This is Tending, Not a Quick Fix
I want to leave you with this image: our marriage is a home.
When you first build it, it’s new and exciting.
But over the years, the paint chips, the plumbing gets finicky, and dust settles in the corners.
You can’t just ignore it and expect it to stay beautiful. It requires maintenance.
This monthly reset is our chosen maintenance.
It’s the decision to roll up our sleeves, once a month, and polish the silver, fix the leaky faucet, and let the fresh air in.
It’s the steady, patient work that keeps our home a place of warmth, love, and grace.
It won’t always be perfect, but it’s real. And it’s ours.
Your marriage is worth this gentle, intentional effort. You are worth it. You’ve got this.