I was having coffee with my 24-year-old son, Sam, the other day when he started telling me about a new girl he’d met at church. My “mom ears” perked up immediately, of course. I asked him what she was like.
He got this goofy, far-away look in his eyes and said, “She’s… I don’t know, Mom. She just kind of glows.
When she laughs, her whole face lights up. And she has this way of looking right at you when you talk, like she’s really listening.”
He kept talking, but I was stuck on that. He didn’t say she looked like a model.
He didn’t mention her size, her makeup, or the brand of her jeans. He said she glowed.
And I thought, isn’t that what we all want to know?
In a world that bombards us with a million conflicting messages about how we should look, what is the secret sauce?
What do good, kind, grown-up guys actually find attractive?
If you’ve ever stood in front of your closet feeling completely lost, or stared in the mirror and picked yourself apart, I want you to know you’re not alone.
I’ve been there. I think every woman has. So let’s sit down together, you and me.
Let’s pour a big cup of something warm and talk through what I’ve learned from 22 years of marriage, raising a son, and my own messy journey of self-acceptance.
Because the answer to “What do guys like?” is so much simpler and more grace-filled than you might think.
First, Let’s Reframe the Question
Before we even get into the specifics, we need to get one thing straight.
The goal is not to twist yourself into a pretzel to become someone else’s “ideal.” That’s a recipe for heartache.
The real question isn’t “How can I make them like me?” but rather, “How can I let my God-given, authentic beauty shine through?”
A man worth your time isn’t looking for a perfect doll. He’s looking for a partner.
And partnership is built on authenticity.
Faking an appearance or a personality is a type of dishonesty, and while it’s not on the level of the ” “, it chips away at the trust you’re trying to build.
Okay, deep breath. Are you ready? Let’s get into what that “glow” my son was talking about is really made of.
The Things That Truly Turn a Good Man’s Head
It’s less about specific features and more about an overall vibe.
After decades of watching my husband, David, and listening to the good men in my life, I’ve noticed a few things that are consistently, powerfully attractive.
A Confidence That Breathes
This isn’t arrogance or loudness. It’s a quiet self-assurance. It’s in the way you carry yourself shoulders back, head held high.
It’s in the way you make eye contact instead of looking at the floor. In my twenties, I thought confidence meant having the trendiest clothes.
I was wrong. It’s about knowing who you are and being comfortable in your own skin.
A woman who knows her worth doesn’t need to be the loudest in the room.
Her presence speaks for itself. True confidence is magnetic.
A Genuine, Whole-Face Smile
You know the one I’m talking about. Not the tight-lipped “cheese” for a photo, but the kind of smile that makes your eyes crinkle.
It’s the most beautiful curve on a woman’s body because it’s a direct reflection of her spirit.
A genuine smile says you’re full of joy, that you’re approachable, that you don’t take life too seriously.
David still tells me the first thing he noticed about me across a crowded college room was my laugh.
Your joy is your most stunning accessory.
The Look of “Health and Vitality”
Please hear my heart on this: this is not about a number on a scale. Health looks different on every single body.
What men are drawn to is the energy of health. It’s the vibrancy in your skin because you drink water.
It’s the shine in your hair. It’s the energy you have because you move your body in a way that feels good.
It signals to a man, on a very primal level, that you care about yourself.
It’s an act of stewardship for the amazing body God gave you.
Effort, Not Perfection
Men notice when you make an effort. It doesn’t mean you need a full face of makeup and perfectly coiffed hair every day.
But it might mean wearing that color he said he loves on you, or putting on a little mascara before a date night, or choosing an outfit that makes you feel fantastic.
It communicates that you value the time you spend together. It’s a small, “You’re worth it.”
Ironically, it’s often the effort to look effortlessly chic that they love most think a great pair of jeans, a simple top, and a touch of perfume.
That Little Spark of Femininity
This is so personal and different for every woman. For some, it’s a flowy dress.
For others, it’s a signature red lipstick. For another, it might be a delicate piece of jewelry or a lovely scent.
It’s that little something extra that is uniquely you. It’s a piece of your personality that you wear on the outside.
Attraction is about so much more than a visual checklist; it’s about the whole package, right down to the playful connection you build.
Sometimes it’s less about the dress and more about the witty ” “.
The Foundation That Makes It All Work
Here’s the honest-to-goodness truth, friend. You could have all the above in spades, but if your self-worth isn’t anchored in something solid, it won’t matter.
A man can tell when you’re seeking validation from his approval.
A good man the kind you’re praying for, the one who shows the ” ” is attracted to a woman who is already whole.
He wants to be your partner, not your savior. If you’re constantly worried about whether you’re pretty enough, it puts an exhausting pressure on the relationship.
No amount of external beauty can protect you from the pain of the ” “. Your worth has to come from a deeper well.
Where True Beauty Begins
When I feel my own insecurities creeping in, when I start comparing myself to the 25-year-olds at the gym, I have to bring myself back to the truth.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
That’s not just a pretty line from a greeting card; it’s a foundational truth. God crafted you, in His image, with intention and delight.
Your beauty is not a worldly commodity to be rated on a scale of 1 to 10.
It’s a reflection of a creative, loving God. Seeing yourself that way changes everything.
It shifts your focus from “Am I enough for him?” to “I am enough. Period.”
When I find my mind spiraling, I stop and I pray.
Father, thank you for this body, my home on this earth. When I am tempted to see only flaws, please open my eyes to see myself the way You see me: beloved, cherished, and radiant. Help me to steward this gift with grace and to project a confidence that comes not from a mirror, but from being your daughter. Let my smile be genuine, my spirit joyful, and my heart rest securely in Your love. Amen.
A Final Thought: The Well-Loved Book
Think of your favorite, most beloved book.
The cover might be beautiful it’s what made you pick it up in the first place.
But the cover isn’t what you fell in love with.
You fell in love with the story. The characters.
The depth and the heart and the soul of what was written on the pages.
Your outer appearance is your book cover. By all means, make it a beautiful one that reflects the incredible story inside!
But know, deep in your bones, that a good man isn’t just looking for a pretty cover to put on his shelf.
He’s looking for a story he can read for the rest of his life.
So go ahead and glow, my friend. You were made for it.